Friday, December 12, 2008

Bah, humbug

I am just not in the decorating for Christmas mood at all. I finally went to the Cemetery today to put Christmas flowers on Bill's grave, what a bummer! I put out my wreath and a Christmas throw and kitchen towel--that's it. I haven't put up a tree or any lights or anything else. This time of year is just no fun any more. I haven't even made out a single card or made ant goodies. I am just in a Scrooge mood, I guess. I can't even decide what I want to do for Christmas. I gress I'll go eat worms!!
Christine and Pete are coming down tomorrow, they want to be here to hear me talk in church Sunday. Boy that ought to be a mess. I hope they won't be disapointed. It has taken me almost two weeks to write my talk, to much info out there to decide what I wanted to stress and what the Spirit tells me is what is needed. I think the Lord is getting tired of me praying so much and not just about this talk. I certainly am glad that I have such a strong testimony that is about all that is holding me together right now Sorry if I sound down but I am.


Lisa said...

Hi Grandma,

I'm so sorry you're feeling down. It happens to the best of us! (the "best" of us being you and I, of course.)
Sometimes I look around at all of my blessings and can't help but wonder how I let my sorrow overwhelm that at times. But it just does sometimes! And sometimes I need to just let the sadness dwell for a bit. It's okay if you need to do that. Just make sure you don't let it overwhelm you, that would make me sad. :)
Sometimes I think we get so caught up in the day to day activities, which so often have hurt attached to them, that we forget to look at the bigger picture. I'm sure you saw Tara's blog about her friends who were killed in the car accident and won't be here to raise their children. I couldn't help but be reminded that every moment is precious and that I need to remember the gift that life truly is. There are a lot of days where I let my Lupus really depress me and make me think things will always be this hard. It is hard, and I have a right to be sad about it sometimes. But I definitely need to remember how blessed I truly am to be able to live this life and have the experiences I have.
Every day you have on this earth is a chance to bless not only yourself, but everyone around you. I know that every day is a struggle, and I know you feel lonely. You miss your eternal companion and that's completely understandable. I won't pretend to know how hard that is. But, I know you're my grandmother, and selfishly, I'm glad you're on this earth. You're an example not only to me, but to all of your children and grandchildren. You're persevering in the face of grief. That's not easy. I know that Heavenly Father recognizes your sacrifice and your grief. This Holiday season I hope you can find comfort in your family and in your Father in Heaven, so that your loneliness will lessen.
Make every day count and know that I love you and keep you in my prayers, always.

Tara and Adam said...

Hi Grandma,

I'm not much of a commenter, but I just wanted to tell you Merry Christmas too. Lisa is really good about being able to put feelings into words but I'm not a very good writer, so I'll just say ditto to what she said. I won't pretend to know how you feel either, but there have been lonely times in my life to give me an idea of how you may feel, although on a much lesser scale than what you must be feeling. I've thought so much about life and the plan of salvation lately since the passing of our friends. How grateful I am to know that we will be with our loved ones again after this life. With that knowledge comes the knowledge that this life is only a small, small stop in the big eternal scheme of things. The biggest thing that I have learned this week is just how precious life is and what an amazing gift it is. I want to cherish every day. I have great memories of going over to your house and seeing your house decorated, especially the tree. You always had these beaded ornaments that as a child I always thought were so interesting and ornate. It makes me sad to think of you not decorating for Christmas. I hope that you do and that you enjoy Christmas this year. I know you must be lonely and that it was much happier with Grand dad, but I know there is still happiness and good memories to be had in life. Merry Christmas! We love you,

Tara, Adam and Taylor

Rae said...

Thanks Lisa and Tara. What special women you both are. I'm grateful to our Father in Heaven to have you both be my Granddaughters. You have both been and are still going through a lot of problems and standing up to them with grace and trust in the Lord. Lisa, I do understand about the health problems you are going through, I've had times when I am so down about this eratic heart of mine and I know it is a downer, but we must struggle on. Lisa, I'm so sorry about your friends, it's so sad to see young ones go, especially when they have small children, but at least they went together.
I love you both and wish I could spend some time with you! But you've got to quit making me cry!!!

Lonna said...

Mom, I hope by now that you either got your tree out or have purchased a smaller, pre-lit one. You need to remember that we decorate and set up a tree in remembrance of our Saviour. It is for him that we celebrate and give gifts and share in what we have. It is in his honor that we make our homes a little nicer, a little more festive. Only this once a year can we openly show such a laviousness to our feelings of tenderness for the gift he has given so freely to all of us. We carry our testimony all year, but most will not know of our love and devotion to the Saviour. But at Christmas time we can put it out there for all the world to see! We show that we are Christians, that we love this time of year that celebrates the birth of our King. Put up your tree for yourself and for all to see that you love the Lord and this wonderful time of year! Bill would want you to do that! He would want you to toast him on his birthday and your anniversary with a glass of diet coke! Christ and Bill want you to enjoy this time of year!

Elise said...

You can always come to our house....of course, I don't think you would like sleeping on our Futon...