I have found out that grief is a strange companion. Always with you, sometimes easy to handle, but other times just over whelming. It's the little things that get to you the most. Some days I feel I can handle just about everything other days I feel like I;m drowning. Some times it's a song, a smell, something someone says, a place, and all of a sudden the memories just come flooding in. I think the more you love someone the stronger the pain of losing them. I grieved a lot when my parents died and my baby brother, but that is nothing compared to losing my eternal companion. And yes, I do know wothout a doudt that I will be with him again on the other side of the veil and that does help, I don't know how I could stand it without the gospel. But the everyday missing him is just so hard to bear. And it's very scary to think that it will be this way until I finally join him. Some days I just feel so lost without my Sweet Bill. Everyone keeps telling me how well I'm handling my grief and how strong I am, but I don't feel that way at all. How I'd like to be in his arms just one more time. I just don't enjoy this new companion Grief, one little bit!
I find myself in that strange position of being single. Not only single but "Widowed", I hate those words. And I hate being alone. However I do love living in AZ and I love all our children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren and great-great grandchildren. How did I ever get sooo old? I also love my brother and sisters and their spouses, especially Christine, my best friend. I have been blessed beyond comprehension and I know that I have been watched over. I feel such love and peace especially on the days I wake up scared and lonely. I'm so grateful for the gospel and my faith in God and Jesus Christ. There would be no sense to life without this.