Pain

My heart is in so much pain, I can hardly think stright. This has been the most horrible week (except fot the week when my Sweet Bill died). On the 17 my wonderful niece, Melonie, lost her Mother-in-law, which just broke her heart. She loved her so much and visited her everyday to see how she was doing. So I know how much Melonie is going to miss her.
Then I talked to my dear Sister-in-Law, June, and found out she has inoperable cancer and is terminal. That was on Tuesday the 18th. Then my sweet daughter-in-law, Tina called me and said her dear Mother had passed away on the night of the 19th. How much pain their whole family is going through. I know what it will be like for poor Jim, Tina's dad. I have shed many tears for them.
Then Thursday night our niece Patricia, died in a Hospice Hospital at 11:45 pm. She was crippled from Polio and afer her parents and only sibling died she came to live with us for several years. She then got an apartment in Teempe and we took care of all her errands and taking her to the doctor, for haircuts, and etc. So we are so sorrowful about her loss, even tho we do understand that she is better off. She had been in a nursing home for the last 2 years suffering from alzhimers.
Then yesterday evening my sister called to tell me that Carlyle DeWitt had passed away that afternoon. He worked for Bill for over 25 years, and becamr the General Manager of our Funtiture stores. He and Bill were such good friends and golfing buddies. Some of the stories I could tell about those two!!!. I feel like another piece of Bill died with Carlyle. But I do wish I could be ther to see their meeting on the other side! He was a good man.
I just feel like all I have done this week is cry!!! I sure do hope June stays around for a while it would just break my heart if she goes. Terrible Week!!!!!

Kimberly

Happy Birthday to my sweet daughter Kimberly. I wish your Dad was here to wish you happy birthday too. I know how very proud of you he always was and is! From the time we first found out we were expecting you we were both thrilled but worried. Worried about being the oldest parents known to man and weather we'd be around to see you grow up. Your Dad worried because he was so old and I worried because I was so old and because of my poor old worn out heart. But you came into this world kicking and screaming even as tiny as you were, and you were tiny! But you had more love lavished on you than any kid I ever knew. And still do!
I hope you know that I am proud of you and the woman you have become, even if you do lie about your age, at least you can get away with it. I love you so much and pray for you always. May God bless you with all you are in need of now and forever. Love, Mom

Rain

RAIN, we finally got some good rain. Yeah!! I was beginning to think we never would see rain again. I even had a pool in my backyard again this morning. And it's been cooler all day. The air is cooler, cleaner, and clearer so you can see the surrounding mountains again. The rain washed away all the smog at least for a while. Lovely.
We've had some awesome lighting and thunder shows for the last couple of days, but lots of times we get those with blowing dust and no rain. So all it does is make a mess of everything. It's just so wonderful when it rains, I always love the smell of it. Hope we get more, the weather people say we should but that doesn't mean we will so we always just enjoy what we get.

Weather

Whats with this weather? I wish it would just up and rain and get it over with. These cloudy days are miserable, makes my whole body ache and pain. Besides that it make it seem hotter because the humidity is so high. They keep saying we are in the Monsoon but so far we've had no rain here at my house or in this neighborhood. Come on, we need it more than other places--share.

Busy day & Birthdays

Happy Birthday to my darling daughter, Lonna. May you have many, many more. What a special person you are and always have been. You have been a great joy in my life and in the lives of your family. Your testimony is an example to all you come in contact with and you bring happiness and fun where ever you go. Know that I am proud of you and admire the beautiful woman you are. Love you always.
Also Happy Birthday to Victor, I don't think he does blogs so this is all I'll say about him.
Also Happy Birthday to Amy! I'm so happy that you are in our family, you are so special. Have a safe trip home.
This has been a worrisome day for my friends. Jordan had his heart Zapped again today. All went well and he only had to be zapped once and his heart went back into normal rythem. I'm so grateful that he has been blessed so, I would hate to have anything happen to him. He's one of the good guys!
My sweet neighbor and dear friend, Maureen had her knee scoped today, but all did not turn out as we hoped, she is going to have to have a knee replacement. It's bone on bone, not wonder she has had so much pain. She needs more prayers. So we'll just keep on and PUSH-pray until something happens!

Dancer

I found out last night that I am a very talented dancer, I haven't decided if it's "Break" dancing, "Popping", or just what style it would be called but it was really something. I stubbed two of my toes on the legs of a chest and did a lovely "dance" while trying not to fall flat on my face. It's a wonder I didn't fall and break a hip, isn't that what most "elderly" people do? Any way, it wasn't too bad last night, although my toes hurt like fire, but as today has gone on I have found out that I have sore places where I didn't even know I had places! I managed to strain one hand and one knee and all of me is letting me know that that form of dancing is just beyond me now. So even tho I'm very talented at it, I do not think I will take it on as a new profession, so I'm sorry you won't get to see me preform, you'll just have to take my word for it that I do it very well!!!

Alone again!

I sure do get tired of Christine and Pete leaving me! They come and visit and then just go off and leave me. Not nice!! Even my dear neighbors are leaving me this week. I must have bad breath or terrible body odor!
I finished the classes at the MRFHC last week, but I still don't know what I am doing. They are talking about having classes for the Ward members, and I'm supposed to help some one with their computers, HA! I think all I'll do is make them more confused, just like I am. It's very upsetting to not know what you are doing, I hate this!

Rain

I just can't believe that it rained early this morning! And it's cool today only 80 instead of 107. Wow, what a treat. But I don't think what we had was what most people would call a good rain but at least the sidewalks got washed off. But I'm afraid I'll still have to water my trees, darn.
I got a letter from an old friend today, she has a benign tumor on her right ear nerve. I have never heard of this. She is having it removed in Las Angeles June 1st. It seems funny to me all the strange things that can happen to the human body thru no fault of our own. I am amazed that they even found it let alone that they think they can remove it and that all will be well with her. I certainly hope and pray that it will go as planned.
Today is Garrett's Birthday, so Happy Birthday Garrett! Love you bunches, Grandson.
Tonight is Jacob's High School Graduation, hope it a wonderful one! Love you and wish I was there. Good going Grandson!
On the 19th our Great-Granddaughter Kathryn Tekulve graduated from High School also. What a beautiful and talented young lady she is. Congratulations and lots of love.

Back in the saddle again.

I must be back in the saddle again, all I have been doing for the last 2 weeks is genelogy, I even helped give a class. It a way it has been fun and yet rather hard too. It seems strange to be doing it without Bill and yet I think he must be helping me. I was looking through the notebooks we both carried back and forth to the MRFHC each day and in Bills I found an envelope with a marriage certificate in it, it was Bills great-great-grandfather and Grandmothers. We have looked for his grandfather for years and years thinking his name was John H. Beck but when I studied the marriage certificate it listed him as William John H. Beck. So I think Bill is pushing me along to find his Grandfathers records and thus the rest of the Beck clan. Interesting and strange that after all these years I would find this and notice the different name!

Grief

I have found out that grief is a strange companion. Always with you, sometimes easy to handle, but other times just over whelming. It's the little things that get to you the most. Some days I feel I can handle just about everything other days I feel like I;m drowning. Some times it's a song, a smell, something someone says, a place, and all of a sudden the memories just come flooding in. I think the more you love someone the stronger the pain of losing them. I grieved a lot when my parents died and my baby brother, but that is nothing compared to losing my eternal companion. And yes, I do know wothout a doudt that I will be with him again on the other side of the veil and that does help, I don't know how I could stand it without the gospel. But the everyday missing him is just so hard to bear. And it's very scary to think that it will be this way until I finally join him. Some days I just feel so lost without my Sweet Bill. Everyone keeps telling me how well I'm handling my grief and how strong I am, but I don't feel that way at all. How I'd like to be in his arms just one more time. I just don't enjoy this new companion Grief, one little bit!

Trip

I made a flying trip to Holbrook last week, went up Tuesday morning and returned home Thursday morning. I really have a hard time with the altitude so I'm always happy to get back down to the desert. It is really beautiful right now, the Paloverde and Ironwood trees are in full bloom, also a lot of daisys and everything was green and lush looking. Of course it won't stay that way, a few days of over 100 degrees and everything will look dry and brown. But for now it's very lovely and I enjoyed the drive.

Betts's Birthday

Friday afternoon I went over to Betts and Jordan's to help celebrate Betts Birthday. She is such a sweet gentle soul and a very dear friend. We had a great time, sat and just talked for about 30 minutes and then played dominos. We treated Betts really mear, Jordan won the first game and I won the second, however Betts has been winning and winning for weeks, so I just can't feel too bad that she didn't win on her Birthday. We've set a presedent on losing on your Birthday, Jordan lost on his, I lost on mine, and now Betts lost on hers. I think it's only fitting!

Lonna

See, I knew I forgot someone important! Lonna text messages me bright and early yesterday morning to wish me Happy Birthday. This is what happens when you get "Elderly"! Sorry Sweetheart, I didn't mean to forget your sweet message, I just have no mind!

Dave & my Birthday

This sure has been a week of ups and downs! The services they had for Dave were well done, and the building was packed to the hilt, every seat was taken even all the folding chairs in the building. The Tempe fire department showed up with their big ladder truck (the youngest son is a tempe fireman), lots of Dave's old football playing friends were there, lots of old ward members were there too. It was well done but way too long (over 2 hours). I will surely miss Dave!!
Yesterday was my "Elderly" Birthday. It was really a fun day! I got lots of cards, messages on my facebook, calls, and flowers, and even a candy bar (my home teachers brought it). One of the sisters I go visiting teachint to and her husband came by and brought me a dozen peach roses. My Visiting Teachers gave me a book, the next door neighbors took me out to lunch and gave me a card with cash money in it too, and Jordan and Betts came over, brought me roses from their yard (beautiful), played dominos and then took me to dinner. So I had a great day. Pete called me early in the morning and later Christine called me and Kimberly tried to call me but didn't get me until this afternoon. I got messages from most of my Granddaughters which just touch my heart so. It is so wonderful to feel so loved by so many! I just don't know what I did to deserve it but I sure am thankful for it! I have truly been blessed!! Thank you to each one of you , you fill my life and heart with joy and happiness.

Jordan

Last night I went to a Birthday party that Betts gave for Jordan, for his 75th birthday. It was fun and Betts did a great job of preparing for it. Great cake, cookies, punch, M&Ms and nuts. She also posted several pictures of Jordan and his kids and family. There were some of his kids, grandkids and great-grandkids there, as well as some friends. I think he really enjoyed it and I sure did. It was good to see his kids and grandkids, I've known them for years and watched the grandkids grow up. I just love Jordan's daughter Amy, she reminds me so much of her mother Wanda. Such a warm and friendly girl, so I'll forgive her for marrying a Flake from Snowflake.
Betts had gotten some balloons (one of course was an "Over the Hill") and one of the great-grandsons just could not leave them alone so he was pretty upset when one of the balloons got away and flew up to the top of the ceiling. He kept asking everyone to get it down, but being that they have vaulted ceilings it would be impossible to do and he sure did not want to be lifted up to reach it even if he could.
When I came home Betts and Jordan insisted I bring some of their lovely roses. So I am enjoying a vase full of beautiful roses of every color. Wonderful! What wonderful and caring friends they are I'm surely going to miss them something terrible when they move to St. George! I hope not soon!!!

Dave

My dear friend Dave Carlson died this morning at 2 am. I feel so bad and have shed many tears already for him. He was a wonderful man, full of compassion and love for his fellow men. He said that Jesus Christ had atoned for everyone so he could not judge anyone, that was not for him to do, he was only to love everyone, and he did. He was so much fun to play cards with and he so looked forward to our games each week. Mellonie and I usually played partners against Dave and Larry and it usually turned out about 50/50. It didn't matter to him if he won or lost, he just had fun playing. He was always a very active man, played football with a full schoolership in collage, very hard working and loved his wife and family. He was a convert to the church, and once he joined there was no looking back. His testimony was one of the strongest I've ever heard. He was truly a Christian in every sense of the word. I shall miss him so much!!

Easter Pageant

Last evening Lonna and I went to the Mesa LDS Easter Pageant. It was so wonderful, such a spiritual feast. The weather couldn't have been any nicer and we had pretty good seats. We took some "egg crate" cushions and a couple of blankets and lots of kleenex and we needed all of those things. What a beautiful setting for the pageant, moon shining on the palm trees and birds singing. Just heavenly! The pageant was really well staged and the costumes are marvellous. We enjoyed every second. It was especially great to spend the time with my sweet daughter, Lonna, and to cry together because of the strong spirit that was there. Besides the walk to and from the car didn't hurt us at all! This is one of those special events that are remembered all the days of our lives. Thank you darling daughter for such a lovely evening. Love you more than I can say.

More about stuff

Well, whoever has been tearing up the street in front of my house is doing a darn good job of it! They ruined my TV reception yesterday so I spent 20 minutes on the phone last night getting the cable restored. So here they were again early this morning tearing up some more. Using a jack-hammer (needless to say I have a terrible headache) and all kinds of huge equiptment and miles of big hoses. I think it has to do with the sewer problem we've had in this area ever since they put in the 101 freeway. They have spent thousands and thousands of dollars trying to fix it. They have torn up Baseline Road in different places for years now and still they can't seem to figure out what is wrong. Government!! Enough said.

Stuff

I've been trying something I read in Family Circle about dry skin. It said to use hair conditioner (Suave is best) rub it all over in the shower and rinse off, then dab dry. I have found out it doesn't work very well for me, I just need a lot more moistureizer. My skin is so dry it looks like sand paper if I don't do something about it (comes from living in dry Arizona). I have found that Bath and Body lotion creams work best for me, even the baby oil doesn't do it.
Why does it take so long to get your car serviced? I spent 3 and 1/4 hours in the service department today! Man, was my back hurting by the time I got out of there! But, I was so blessed that I took the car in today, the battery died when they tried to start it to take it back into the service dept., I knew it was about time for it to go, it's been 2 years and batteries just don't last longer than that in this heat of AZ. I'm sure glad it happened there and not out somewhere when I was all alone. I should have know what was happening because I've had strange messages on my note board and I should have know it was the battery dying.
Someone is out tearing up the street in front of my house today, I don't know who, either the city, SRP, or the sewer company. Anyway they have been making a mess and a lot of loud noise, of course I missed most of it because I was spending the day in the dealership! Lovely!

Paint

I just have the most beautiful living room now! Christine has been staying with me for a while and Pete came down to get her and while he was here he painted my living room. They bought the paint for their living room and he decieded that it was way too dark and I just happen to love it, so rather than give it to one of their kids, he brought it down and pained my room for me. It's called "Summer Pecan" a beautiful Caramel color that just looks wonderful with my wallpaper, carpet, and tile. It's so wonderful to have new paint, so while we were about moving everything around, we changed the layout of the room and I got rid of alot of junk! Now I just have to think about painting the rest of the house!
I just can't thank both Christine and Pete enough, they just do so much for me, what would I do without them!?! And the strange thing is--Pete didn't get a drop of paint on himself. I would have gotten it from head to toe, I'm sure. And to top it all off, he painted the ceiling on my front porch which was all flaking off and looked awful, and then he washed the windshield of my car for me before they left ( I was going to Scottsdale to the Doctor at the same time). What a great brother-in-law! Thanks guys, love you both.

Friday

Here it is Friday again already, how did that happen!?! Time sure has a way of slipping past when I'm not looking.
The Citrus trees are all in bloom along with lots of other things and I have been fighting the allergies just like so many others here in the Valley. Not fun!
My friends are really worring me. Dave is having an awful time and is not able to play cards, I am afraid that we have played our last game! His health is really failing fast. They are planning to go to Disneyland this next week but I just don't see how he can, he can't even walk down the stairs at his house. It is breaking my heart to see him struggling so bad, he is such a special man. His family is having a really hard time facing the fact that Dave is dying. Poor Karla!
My other friend Jordan has been in the heart hospital this week. He had to have his heart shocked back into a normal rhythem. They then started him on a new medication to regulate his heart and had to watch him for several days and make sure it was beating right. He and Betts think that they will release Jordan today. Betts sounded tireder than Jordan. Hospitals are just no fun, either to be a in them or just visiting there.
It would be nice if all my friends would just stay healthy! Wishful thinking.

Bishop

As many of you know my next door neighbor is my Bishop and he and his sweet wife are dear friends to me. But he really pulled a sneaky one on Valentine's Day. They came over to visit and brought me a lovely bouquet of flowers that he had picked out, and while they were here he had the nerve to give me a new calling. I think that is just really mean, how could I turn him down when he brought flowers! His poor wife was flaber-gassed, she had no ides he was going to do such a mean trick, and to be honestI don't think he did either. Because Karla Carlson is busy taking time and care to spend with Dave (see previous blog) she is unable to fill her calling as a Ward Family History Consultant so the Bishop called me to take her place. It's been several years since I worked in Family History and I have no idea how to use the computer programs anymore, so I guess I'll have to do some more studying and get back in the grove. I do remember how to do research so that will be helpful. But I still think it was a sneaky trick for the Bishop to pull!

Card's with Dave

Yesterday I played cards with a man from our Ward named Dave Carlson, and a couple, who are retired, named Larry and Mellonie Groman. We have been getting together and playing cards for several weeks, sometimes we play Spades, sometimes it's Phase 10, but most of the time we play Hearts. The thing that important about it is that Dave is dying. He has terminal cancer. It started in his bladder and has inch by inch spread into all parts of his abdoman and now has invaded his spine. He is going tthrough Radation right now to try to remove a tumor on the spine, he's had so far 3 rounds of Chemo and they went in and shored up his spine this week, it is disintregating. But with all this going on he is still so very upbeat and positive. He says he is ready for what ever happens. He's just a really great man!
My heart aches for his wife and children. His wife must continue working as shes the one who carries the insurance, and yes, their children are all grown, but that doesn't make it any easier for them.
So I go play cards with him and the Groman's every time we can, it's not much but I hope some how this helps him pass some of the hard times. May God bless him and his family!

My Swimming Pool

I have a nice big pool in my back yard again today. It started raining last night just before midnight and rained off and on almost all night, so today I have a pool. And we expect more rain today and tomorrow, I just hope it doesn't flood my house. It seems funny that we go for months and months without rain and then Bam we get a whole bunch at once. At least now I won't have to go out and water my trees this week.
I really enjoyed a quick visit with Lonna and Steve yesterday and then I went to Jordan and Betts's house. Their son Mark was visiting with them and we all went out to dinner, (mexican) and the went back and played "Mexican Train". They were really great hosts and allowed me to win both games. Of course last time they were at my house I was a great host and allowed each of them to win a game. It was lots of fun and it was good to see Mark again. The only thing bad a bout it is driving home alone late at night, oh well, I guess I'll get used to that someday.

Sunday

As I was going to church today, I was looking around at some of the yards in my neighborhood and noticing all the flowers in bloom, the trees budding out (they only lost their leaves last month), the sun shining, ducks on the lakes, dogs and people out everywhere, and I couldn't help but think that spring is just about to come to The Valley of The Sun. How different it is in other parts of the country, horrible ice storms, tons of snow, and people freezing to death in their own homes. How blessed I am to live in this warm valley. I just don't think I could stand living somewhere it was so cold all the time, I guess I'm spoiled!
The theme (if there is one) in sacrament meeting today was mostly about the priesthood. So many got up to bear their testimonies about the priesthood and how grateful they are to bear it. I got to thinking about how much I miss having the priesthood in my home now. I am so gratful to have sons and grandsons and home teachers who come and bring the priesthood back into my home. The strength and comfort I receive from having the worthy priesthood holders in my home are just so over whelming. I am so grateful that I know that Bill holds that priesthood and is watching over me. It is much harder to get a blessing when you have to call on someone to come to your home and I really miss the knowledge that the priesthood is always here in my home when I need reassurence and strength. The power of the priesthood is worth more than anyone can put a price on. Stay true and worthy to it always.

Fun!

What a fun week I've had. Lonna and Steve have been here and took me to do all kinds of fun things, and took me to places I've never seen before. We loaded cattle and took them to a dairy to unload them, we went to Maricopa, and to two dairy farms, one in Maricopa and one in Gilbert. They even took me to a cattle auction. It was all just fun!! We drove down town Mesa last night to eat at Pete's Fish Shop and got to see lots of old cars, they were having an old car show on the streets of down town Mesa. Lots of great old cars. It was just wonderful to spend time with them, the only down side was that neither one of them were feeling very good. But I had a great time.
Both Lonna and Christine have been having stomach problems and neither one seems to be able to get well. I just wish I knew what would help them. Steve not only had his hip out of place and was walking crooked but he also had a bad sinus infection. He's still not doing very well. Hope it clears up soon. He did visit the chiropractor a couple of times so hope that hip will improve. It's all those goats and cattle he manhandles, I'm sure.
It's just too bad that neither of them enjoyed the time together as much as I have done!

Home alone

Well, everyone went home or out on the truck, so I am home alone again. I really enjoyed the visits with Lonna and Christine, and then with Steve too. It's fun to have these late night talks with "the girls" even if they were both feeling bad. Thanks for visiting me!
Christine went to the Doctor today after going home yesterday, and I guess he's just guessing what he thinks is wrong and trying several different approches to cure her. I hope one of them works!
Lonna is still not doing very well and I sure do worry about her. Hope she'll see the Dr. when she goes home next! Steve came back with his hip out of place so we had to find a chiropractor for him, and I remembered that one of my friends from White Mountain Country Club had a son ,I knew, who was a chiropractor in Chandler, so Lonna called there and got Steve in to see him. Steve seemed to be some better and was walking strighter but I think he'll have to visit the Dr. again. I just hope he doesn't throw it out again by wrestling goats!
My weather bug says it's 81 here today. It sure isn't that warm in Washington DC today, I bet those people back there wished they had the parade here! I'm glad I'm not there, I'd freeze to death!

More stuff.

There was an interesting article in yesterdays paper comparing Jack Bauer of 24 and Jack Shephard of Lost. It was interesting, but the best part was their "catchphrase's"; Jack B.'s is "It's a Bomb!" And Jack S.'s is "We have to go back!" Jack b. is filled with rage, Jack S. is filled with self-doubt. Their "beer-buddy" compatibility is: Jack B. Low, due to violent nature; Jack S. is lower, due to history of alcoholism in family. Handiness in emergencies; JB, can fly a plane, rig explosives, handle any wepon, speak several languages, take a beating and give one back, and does not have to mush of a conscince. JS is willing to fight, use a gun. consicence is present but can be gotten around, and he's a good surgeon. It's a tie in the willingness to bend the rules and their "goos Qualities" are that they are both loyal. The over all concesess is that if you are saving the nation or the world JB is your man, if you are saving passengers of a downed airplane or need surgery then JS is your man. In other words they are both just wonderful, except I can't stand either one of their shows. 24 is too intense and Lost is too convoluted! I just can't stand to watch either one!
Today is just not a great day, it's been 18 months since my Sweetheart died. I went to the Cemetery this morning to change the flowers on his grave, and of course had a big crying jag. I just don't think it will ever get any easier, somtimes it seems alot worse.
I feel so bad for Christine and Pete, the 3rd death in as many months in Pete's family. Sometimes it feels like we're surrounded bt death. I guess at our ages it will be that way. I'm quiting now, this is enough doom and gloom!

Stuff.

This is a blog about stuff. First my lamp in this room quit working and also my little pocket adding machine(I'm sure it's Natalies fault). I am trying to type in the dark so if this makes no sense thats why.
Christine and Pete went back to Holbrook saturday and then went to Albuquerque on Sunday. Pete's Aunt, Lena, passed away and they went over to the funeral. It was his Mother's last sibling and her only sister and best friend. This after just losing a niece (her Granddaughter). It's been a rough time for them. But I hope they'll have a nice visit with Davorie and Steve.
I got Nolan and Bre's Christmas card back. I just have problems trying to keep track of all the Grandkids and Great-grandkids. That's one of the reasons that I am quiting sending Birthday and Anniversary cards to all. Besides I can't afford it! Boo!!
I finally took my Christmas tree down today. It has a section of lights burned out in it and I just can;t find out why so maybe next year I just won't bother with a tree. I can't find any loose bulbs and I have no idea where the fuses go. Too much work to figure it out. I think this is Natalies fault too!!

Happy New Year!

Hope everyone is well and glad to see a new year. I surely am. I'm tired of the problems of 2008, so I'm wishing you all a very Happy New Year!
I am not making any resolutions, I just want to get though the year with my sanity intact. I don't believe in making New Year resolutions, I believe that if you feel there is something in your life you want/need to change about yourself, your should start that very moment, not wait until New Years to do it. I'm always trying to find ways to improve myself especially spiritually and it's an ongoing process.
The one thing I'd like to change about myself is I'd like to quit getting older and older, thats just a drag. But I don't think there is one darn thing I can do about it. I don't worry about weight, so I do not want to lose 10 pounds, I love my Pepsi and don't intend to quit drinking that, so I guess I'll just go on as I am! So Happy 2009!